Bloody Xander Buggerin It All Up
by starlight13
Summary: what happens after entropy, how spike and anya feel. some S/A but will be B/S and X/A i suck at summaries... don't worrry ;)
1. the beginning of the end

1 Prologue  
  
There she goes, just walkin away from me. Like she doesn't even care, again. I can't bloody tell anymore. I used to be so sure, she loved me somewhere in her 'eart. But now, I think I ruined it. By ruining the whelp and the demon, I killed everything. I'm just another soulless bloody demon out to get 'em. Out to destroy em….  
  
And so he watched her walk away, his heart in his eyes, and a snide remark on his lips, "bloody Xander buggerin it all up. I wish-"  
  
"Don't." the blonde that stood forgotten behind him said, "just don't."  
  
A quick glance passed between the two, before they began to walk away from each other. Spike back towards his piece of shit crypt well it wasn't a piece of shit, until 'er and soldier boy got at it, and Anya back into the magic box, trying to clean up what was left of their healing process.  
  
The mess can't be cleaned up, it's too much. We all made too many stupid mistakes. Not caring was so much easier, I don't understand why it has to hurt so much. I can't clean up either mess. The literal or the metaphorical, I just want to curl up and cry. But it has to be alone, tonight has shown me, it has to be alone.  
  
Anya stared blankly at the mess by the table, wondering where did they go from here? 


	2. The Return

1.1 Chapter 1  
  
"Oh, sod!" can't leave the bloody bint alone. She's the only one that ever understood. I may be a soulless demon, but my human is a sappy wanker  
  
And so with a really cool looking swoosh of his leather jacket, spike turned around and headed back towards the magic box. all the while wondering what had gotten into him. Why did he tell xander? ~*didn't take long.*~ her voice haunted him.  
  
what the hell did she want him to do? Move on with a bloody potato? Him and the demon were hurtin they both needed some comfort. Buffy's just jealous cuz for once, someone else got a little cold comfort. Someone else got a li'l piece of spike, and for a couple of seconds, I coulda swore I was makin love to my slayer on that table, not the demon. And as much as it pains me to even think it, I know the demon was imaginin the whelp.  
  
Anya was kneeling by the table, trying to clean up the broken glass, and trying to stop the tears, that just kept falling. if they land on the floor they'll leave water spots, and then customers will leave, and I'll lose money. Money I was planning on spending on my children, and my husband and….  
  
She dropped the broken array of colored glass that was settled in her hands back into the turbulant mess on the floor, setting her face in her hands and hiccuping out sobs too big for her throat. Her emotional pain so great, that the small piercing pain of glass, didn't even register.  
  
Bloody buffy I do what she tells me too for once, and shes brassed off.  
  
The tiny happy tinkle of the bell above the magic shop door brought anya out of her xander induced stupor.  
  
"Who's… there….? If you're here for the money, I'll eviscerate you, if you're not go the hell away. The stores closed."  
  
"I always thought it would be willow. Shes the one I used to want, I thought she understood. But I was wrong. I only wanted willow because I couldn't admit to myself that I wanted buffy, and you understand, because they forced to you change too. Bloody scoobies. Changin a person, then dumpin 'em on the streets. I know what you are now. What? You think I couldn't hear you and the bint talkin. Vampire hearing. You all bloody underestimate me. I coulda killed buffy a thousand times, but I din't cuz I love her, not because of the sodding chip. But my feelings aren't real to her. I think you may have to live for a while before anyone but your own feelings become real. That's another reason I think you understand, is because you don't want to hurt xander, and him not understanding you is tearin ya up inside, jus' like it is me."  
  
Anya who just sat silently and broken on the floor looked at him, like he was crazy, but he made a weird kind of sense.  
  
"Spike, do you remember right after the chip, when the house was possessed by sexual frustration?"  
  
"Yea, we were both hurtin then too love."  
  
Anya slowly stood up and walked over to spike. "he thinks I'm disgusting. I knew there was almost no chance for us. But it hurts. Knowing. And now he thinks I'm disgusting. I had to do something you know. Or I would have exploded. The gang thought I was going crazy, trying to make them make wishes, involving xander and his squishy parts." She turns away and kneels back onto the ground to continue picking up the magic box floor.  
  
"Pet," spike sighed setting his hand on her shoulder, and feeling the slightest twinge of hurt by the fact that she flinched. " he still loves you. He will always love you, it's me that will be despised, and loathed and seen as the stupid bloody vamp who couldn't keep it in his pants. But he does, he does love you. I know what love feels like, and I can recognize it in other poor saps. He feels for you, the same thing I feel for buffy. He's just a scared poof, that's the only difference." With that he removed his hand, his duster, and then settled the jacket over anya's hunched shoulders. "get home, get some rest. I made the mess, I'll clean it up. And luv, you're bleedin."  
  
Anya stood up. And began to head to the door. " Thank you spike, but me, buffy and xander. The mess is ours too. Don't shoulder it all. I've lived a long long time, and nothing has hurt this bad. I'm sorry I was never the nicest person. I forgot about this dead feeling you get in your gut when you've beened scorned by your lover. It's been so long. And it almost feels worth it, the blood you mentioned, it's warm, something I don't feel right now. Maybe I'll leave it there for a while. Be here tomorrow?"  
  
"I have nothing else to bloody do. Might as well come loaf about with a not so ex-vengeance demon. I'm in. you bringing food?"  
  
Anya's empty chuckle filled the doorway, as she left. 


End file.
